There are days when I feel like I know exactly what I’m doing. And then, there are days when I feel totally out of control. Okay, out of control is probably a little severe. What I really mean is that I feel confused, maybe a bit stuck.
I sometimes wonder why I so often seem to face the same life issues over and over. Why don’t I just learn from past mistakes and move the heck on? Again, I’m overstating this. But for the sake of simplicity, let’s go with that. So, why not?!?! Why do I seem to revisit the same issues in my life over and over and over again?
I’ve been feeling this way a lot lately -- like I’m a wadded up ball of stress, and my need to control and understand every situation has my brain going haywire. I need to accept the fact that sometimes I don’t understand, sometimes I don’t know all the details, sometimes it’s okay to just be me and forget about what anyone else may think of that. Sometimes I need to speak my mind without worrying about the outcome. Yes, sometimes, that is completely, 100% okay.
Of course, that’s easier said than done. Some people are good at it. Quite frankly, I’m not.
So that’s where I am today.
(When I sat down to write this, I had no idea what I was going to talk about. I’ve had a lot on my mind and have been at a loss for words to express it. It always amazes me the things that come across my fingertips on this keyboard. I wonder what I'll be thinking about tomorrow.)
I sometimes wonder why I so often seem to face the same life issues over and over. Why don’t I just learn from past mistakes and move the heck on? Again, I’m overstating this. But for the sake of simplicity, let’s go with that. So, why not?!?! Why do I seem to revisit the same issues in my life over and over and over again? Perhaps we’re all just more experienced versions of our childhood selves, and so we continue to have the same weaknesses and the same strengths. And rather than accept those things in ourselves and learn to use them to our advantage, we attempt to change ourselves. People tell me I should be a certain way, act a certain way, feel a certain way. Sometimes I listen to them, and I try to be everything that everyone wants me to be.
When will I learn? When will I be completely happy and comfortable just being myself?
I was talking with one of my best friends over the weekend about acceptance. She said she’s finally at a place in her life that she’s willing to just accept what is, and she felt this fact was helping her to really enjoy life and simply have fun, rather than stress over every little thing.
I can totally relate to that sentiment. The ability to accept what is and simply let go of the need to control everything -- well, it frees you.
Those of you who know me know that I’m not particularly good at accepting and letting go of control. Sure, I’ve managed this in some areas of my life. But, in others, I kind of suck at it.
I’ve been feeling this way a lot lately -- like I’m a wadded up ball of stress, and my need to control and understand every situation has my brain going haywire. I need to accept the fact that sometimes I don’t understand, sometimes I don’t know all the details, sometimes it’s okay to just be me and forget about what anyone else may think of that. Sometimes I need to speak my mind without worrying about the outcome. Yes, sometimes, that is completely, 100% okay.
Of course, that’s easier said than done. Some people are good at it. Quite frankly, I’m not.
So that’s where I am today.
(When I sat down to write this, I had no idea what I was going to talk about. I’ve had a lot on my mind and have been at a loss for words to express it. It always amazes me the things that come across my fingertips on this keyboard. I wonder what I'll be thinking about tomorrow.)
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It's post like this one that comfort me in knowing I'm not alone. I'm a single mom trying to raise a 17 year old boy to be a man. How is this possible? I stress every second of my life and I need to accept in 9 months he will be 18 and I need to learn to let go.
You're definitely not alone, Monica! So many people I know have similar stresses - I'm just crazy enough to put it all out there! lol. One day, we'll figure out how to just let go. I'm hoping that day soon for me. :)